There are a few times in life that I feel are truly defining moments. The truth is that there are lots of little defining moments that actually make up who we are, but every once in a while, a big decision comes around that I know will make a significant difference in my life. In a few short months, I’ll be making one of those.
In all honesty, I’m scared. It’s really hard for me to think that I’m only 9 months away from being a real adult with adult responsibilities and adult decisions to make. The one that is currently haunting me, and everyone seems to want to know the answer to is “where am I going next?”
I don’t know, and that terrifies a large part of me. My entire life I’ve been planning for this- adulthood- and now that it’s practically here, I’m not ready for it.
But at the same time, I’m ecstatic. Few people have the ability to do whatever they want in life- at any point. While it’s scary that in a year I could be practically anywhere, it’s also somewhat thrilling to think that in a year, I could be practically anywhere. And I mean ANYWHERE. A part of me wants to use this time to go abroad and use the skills I’ve acquired over the last few years to help those who really need it. I’ll be getting a taste of that during Spring Break on a service learning trip with the College of Nursing. (if they accept my application) My dream would be able to find a hospital with a nursing graduate program to help ease me into pediatric nursing- specifically oncology- but I’m not sure I have the GPA to make that happen. I’ve been really surprised with how hard it has been for some of my recently graduated friends to find jobs- while the need is still there, the money just isn’t. All the more reason to use this time to do something that I won’t be able to do once I have a family and roots somewhere.
My answer to people when they ask is simply “Only God knows” and for now at least, that’s the way I like it. I know that as it gets closer, the control freak in me will start to try to figure it all out, and want answers to it all RIGHT NOW. But I’ve learned in the last few years that life can be much more exciting and rewarding if you DON’T plan everything out all the time.
So for now, I’m going to try to fully enjoy my last year of childhood. I’m going to keep myself very busy with 17 credits, 3 campus jobs, intramurals, the fall musical, dance ensemble, and leading SNA all while maintaining some sort of social life. I’m going to follow my own advice for my youngest patients and enjoy being a kid.
Love and miss-
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)